As many of you know, I’ve struggled with anorexia and bulimia for many years (since I was 15). I’m taking this quarantine time to really focus on positive eating habits and behaviors. Do I need to lose weight? The honest answer is no! I’m at about 157 lbs right now (I’m 5’10”), and while my brain often tells me that I’m fat and ugly, it’s simply not true.
I am a beautiful person, created by the Divine in the image of the Divine, and I need to start caring for myself and loving myself. I need to build self confidence in that area for sure, but admitting to myself that I’m a beautiful soul is a HUGE step. (I’m crying as I type this.) Sure, I had a shitty childhood – many of us with eating disorders do. But I no longer want this to define me as an adult.
I’m going to continue to share my eats on here as it’s therapeutic for me to write about it and take pictures. It’s also reassuring to know that I’m not restricting or being disordered.
Breakfast – an egg, bacon, and cheese tortilla wrap (it was pretty big, and I did share a few bites with Scotch. But it really held me over until lunch).
Lunch happened a little later in the day – a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell (this was a big test for me – fast food has almost always lead to me throwing it up.) I’ve always thought of fast food as being BAD, but truly, not food is off limits if eaten in moderation and with mindfulness.
Dinner – roasted chicken with salad, rice, and broccoli with a bit of cheese (it looks very cheesy, but I assure you it was just a pinch).
On this day, I tried something a little different – I had a smaller breakfast, and it was perfectly tasty and filling.
Lunch was some spaghetti that I made for Luke.
Dinner was baked BBQ chicken, white rice, and salad mix with light ranch. Luke said it tasted like a burrito without the tortilla, so I guess this one was husband approved!
In a strange twist to having ED behaviors, I actually do love to cook, and it brings me joy when I can make my husband a healthy meal that he says is tasty.
Luke is a HUGE help right now – he is encouraging me to TALK to him if I have urges to restrict or purge so we can talk it out before anything unhealthy happens. And once the gym reopens, I plan on lifting weights with Luke again – right now I’ve been walking Scotch for about an hour each day, and that’s my exercise. (Courtesy pic of the Scotcher below – I realize he needs a haircut, but that’s considered a non-essential business right now. Luke also needs a haircut, but again, non-essential businesses are shut and barbers and hairdressers face a huge fine and loss of license if they cut hair.
We’re both also committing to drinking less alcohol. For a while, it was rough there in March. But I’m trying to better myself, and Luke wants to lose a little weight, so cutting back on the booze is yet another way to be healthier. 🙂 I’m trying to drink a lot more water too!
I’ll go ahead and post this post just to put it out there, but I plan on doing daily posts like this one. I’d also like to get back into the swing of painting skulls, as I’ve really been slacking off …. and Hobby Lobby is just too overwhelming to go to right now as well as difficult to stick to the “6 feet away” guidelines (plus I hear it may be closing as the Governor has now ordered non-essential businesses closed).
Here’s to health,