The Unsavory Parts of Recovery

At this point into my recovery, I’m dealing with some uncomfortable side effects. Think that once you start eating again regularly, your mental health and bodily functions will be all hunky-dory? Think again, my friends.

First of all, there’s the BLOATING. Your tummy and gut bloat up like a giant balloon (seriously, sometimes you look and feel preggo). It’s not an attractive feeling, and this may affect you mentally. Ironically, breaking the cycle of bulimia and anorexia IS a very mental thing (just as it is physiologically) as you feel less than glamorous at times due to your body’s responses to adjusting to newfound food.

This also goes along with the infrequent bowel movements if you’re extra unlucky (see: Mandy) – your digestive system has to re-learn how to digest food again, and being able to take a shit becomes a popular topic of interest (sorry, Luke). You might not poop for days on end, it’s a fact. But eventually, you WILL poop. And it’s a fantastic feeling when you finally do!

There’s also the passing of the STINKY gas …. I’m talking some embarrassingly ripe stuff. I find that it’s especially rampant if you’ve struggled with bulimia. Yeah, it’s awkward af when you’re in a gas station or somewhere busy, and you just have to let one rip. šŸ˜¦

The acid reflux isn’t fun either – it’s painful af at times.

Exhaustion is also part of the process – the exhaustion of your system re-learning how to adjust to food both physically and mentally. You might find yourself becoming a bit more depressed than usual if you struggle with bipolar I like I do, you may cry and have mood swings as well.

Despite these unsavory side effects, however, you’re doing your body and your life good! šŸ™‚ You just have to take them in stride and even find humor in some situations (“Mandy, did you fart?” “WHY YES I DID, LUKE, IT’S MY LOVE LANGUAGE NOW TO YOU!”)

And as I reiterated in my last post, it’s important to have a support system – I’m talking counselors, physicians, spouses, parents, siblings, close friends – people who you can talk to about how you’re doing, your struggles, etc. I’m so lucky to have a husband who gets me, who wants to hear about my issues, who wants to encourage me and tell me things will be okay if I just stick with it.

A few nights ago, for instance, I felt full. This should sound simple enough, but for me, it felt like an uncomfortable nightmare, and I wanted to throw up SO BADLY as I’m just not used to feeling full and felt in distress. I told Luke about my negative urge, and he reassured me that being full is not a bad thing at all, that I had a healthy dinner which was a good portion size, and this helped me work through my urge to indulge in a bad behavior.

Breakfast yesterday was three scrambled eggs, cheese, two slices of bacon, and some leftover pinto beans with habanero salsa around 7.

Luke was hungry after work, so we made hamburgers around 2 o’clock – mine had American cheese, bacon, a bit of red onion, avocado, tomato, and some ketchup! SO GOOD!

I wasn’t very hungry for dinner, so I simply skipped it. My lunch was late and giant, and around 7:30, I just wanted to go to bed.

Today’s breakfast was two eggs on toast with a bit of butter and jelly. It’s a go-to of mine.

Lunch was around 12:30 – I assembled a salad with a ton of goodies on it, such as a little unused spaghetti sauce and tortilla chips. It was very filling, and tasty ….. however ….

I developed bad acid reflux after this lunch and into the early evening – I asked Luke to be in charge of dinner since I just couldn’t stand the thought of food, especially acidic stuff (i.e. tomato sauce) or even vegetables (boo). I had some peppermint tea with a bit of sugar and milk to try and soothe my tummy around 4. I also tried four club crackers and a few corn chips, plain, which seemed to help.

Luke brought home groceries about 6:30, and he brought a tomahawk steak (sadly, the idiot at the counter didn’t include the bone that Luke asked to be cut off for the Toot šŸ˜¦ ) and a Caesar salad kit among other items.

We ate the salad and drank a small bit of gin waiting for the steak to cook in the oven.

Once it was done, Luke topped it with Bleu cheese butter and we feasted!

Someone waited impatiently and rudely for a bite ….

Which, of course, we gave the nasty little beggar!

Here’s to a happy, relaxed, sleepy Saturday night!

~ M